Today was a bad day...to where I just wanted to sleep all day. Though I was up between naps. When I used to get depressed before all this happened, sleeping was my way of dealing with the depression. I took two Xanax this afternoon, as I knew it would put me to sleep as it did yesterday or was it the day before. I seem to lose track of the time lately. I know that I do not want to become dependent on the Xanax as they are addicting and that is just one more thing I will have to deal with.
I have not gone out in two days nor have I done anything around the house. It is not dirty but just plain cluttered. Things seem to be put, where ever they get put down and then not moved to where they belong. The dining room table is a catch all for everything and anything...and the pile, just keeps growing. The last time it got like this, is when I got cancer. Then I just dropped the mail, where ever I was at the time it came in...and we ended up with piles of unopened bills and junk mail all over the house. This times its worse as it is just piles of this and that and it is not just on the dining room table...it has spread to each room. There are packages that need to be returned, but I have yet to get them ready, to be shipped back. Its utterly overwhelming just like the last time and just like last time, the piles are of such irrelevance...compared to what is clouding my mind.
My daughter has been gone for 2 days and it has taken every ounce of emotional energy I have to clean the litter and feed the animals...but that is the only thing that has got done.
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