Today I turned a lovely shade of vintage green...

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Magnitude 5.4 - GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA, CALIFORNIA
2008 July 29 18:42:15 UTC

Northridge, California 1994 01 17 12: 30:55 UTC (local time: 4:30 a.m.) Magnitude 6.7

San Fernando, California 1971 02 09 14:00 UTC Magnitude 6.6

I was born and raised in So. Ca. In 1971 I was 14. Then 1994, 23 years later; the memory as vivid as the first one.

Then there was today. You know when it starts a shaking, exactly what it is. Just as terrifying as the first one; so many years ago.

There is a whole new world out there

June 2007
Shannan on her graduation day, with Grandpa. Not Grandpas finest picture.

It's finally time, that I learn how to use the digital camera. Also I need to learn, how to import the pictures to the computer. Mind you this is not a picture, I took, as am I still learning. This was one that was already in the camera. It's a bit of trial and error, mostly error. Still haven't got the hang of it.

Refrigerator retro

I adore retro refrigerator magnets. Mind you they are not easy to find. These lovelies are porcelain and will soon have a new home.

Once upon a time, I was into stockpiling groceries. This was a good idea, when the kids were younger, as there was four little mouths to feed. The years have passed, but now I only have one 19 year old, left at home.

I started writing this post, a couple of hours ago. What is above is the original post. I left it for a bit, not sure of the purpose or where I wanted it to go. A few hours and many thoughts later.

Let me go back to the first part of this post. My pantries are full. Full of what I don't even know, due to plain and simple; buying and not using. Monday night I made a salad. All the ingredients had been bought recently except, the salad dressing, which was in the fridge. That night I suffered a really bad stomach ache. I took a look at the dressing and it had expired in 2007. I have no idea, how long it had been sitting in the refrigerator.

So today I decided to pull everything out of one cabinet. A very narrow, but very deep one. Can after can, box after box of very expired food. I am not going to take the chance of getting anyone ill. So there was no other choice than to trash it. A couple of large size trash bags full. It made me sick. Not physically sick, but sick about the waste.

The ties that bind, my thoughts was todays post on the blog; Down To Earth. Reading Rhonda's post earlier, triggered a connection. My awareness to be exact. The wasted food just a symbol. Simply, I need to be more aware of the choices I make; in all aspects of my life.

For if I want to live a authentic life; I need to weave these gentle threads of awareness and intertwine them, into all that I am.

More gratitude, than words can ever express

This is one of those days, that nothing can take away from the.......I cant even think of words, that comes close.

The chemotherapy ended two years ago. Then there was the three month check-ups and the CT scans; which always showed something. Then there was the waiting time between appointments, for the next CT scan, MRI or PET scan. Then the slow motion, tic toc, tic toc waiting time, until the results. I would hold my breath and wait. The anxiety always there, in my shadow; wherever I went. A spot on my liver, a lump in my breast, something on my ovaries; a biopsy, a ultrasound, another scan, a different kind of scan.

More waiting... more anxiety... fear... tears... and on... and on.

Then there was today. I had my six month check-up with my Oncologist. He went over the last batch of tests done and the recent blood work and he said...

Everything is normal and you are healthy...such sweet, sweet words.

I left with tears in my eyes. I hugged Shannan when I got home; held her so close. Feeling for the first time. in such a very long time; that this hug will be one of many, many more.

Fresh from the fields

I adore the lovely mini watermelons, I buy at Costco. I am never disappointed, as they are always sweet. Tonight's dinner salad with baby greens, carrots cucumbers, tomato, avocado and chicken. With a side of this sweet, red, juicy fruit. I also just learned they are full of lycopene, just like tomatoes.

Abundance of gratitude...

for Monday

To keep me grounded, is to remind myself, of what is truly important; gratitude for the simple things.

Today I am grateful for
... the upcoming milestones, that I will be so very blessed to see

Abundance of grey blessings

Its been a while since I last colored my hair. I use the kind that washes out. The only sign, that it is time to color once again; is the strands of grey that start to appear. Just recently, as I looked in the mirror; there they were. There was no urgency to hide the strands. Instead a moment of clarity. A lovely ah ha moment. For every grey hair that is blessed upon me, is one more glorious day, I have been given.

There are two things, that I am so sure of...

that to be 51, is the best of yet to come. Also that I am so elated, that my daughter wants to tell me about her day at work; her first job to be exact. Her perception is (key words, her perception) that I should come and spend time doing all the wonderful activities, that her place of employment (key words, senior center) offers.

Now age is truly, just a state of mind; and only when you reach that age (key words, her age is 19), do you understand that. So for now I shall listen to how her day went and take with a grain of salt; her ideas of how compatible I would be, at the senior center.

Maybe one day, but not anytime soon...

Yesterday cloth bags...

and as soon as I finish the last of the Windex; the journey into homemade window cleaner.

5 ounces of wintergreen rubbing alcohol

5 ounces of vinegar

Fill the rest of the bottle with water

I use Windex to clean just about everything. What I like about the homemade, is that vinegar is a natural disinfectant; something Windex isn't. I might just phase out all store bought cleaning products as I run out. The only item I don't think, that I will be changing is laundry detergent; fabric softener, maybe.

I have been washing more dishes by hand. I am sort of defeating the purpose of hand washing; as my dish drain sits in the sink. Thus I have to run the water while rinsing. Simple solution, is to buy a plug for the drain or a plastic tub.

I have just run out of the paper napkins. I do have one unopened package, but I think I shall save those, for messy meals. It is rather exciting, when all the things that months before, were just endless possibilities; now are woven into my daily life.

And the journey continues...

I've got 30 points

I had to pick up a few things at the market. So I took my cloth bags, for the first time. I even used the cloth produce ones. My daughter did not wither, nor was she as mortified; as she exclaimed she would be, when I used them.

Ralphs apparently gives you points, for bringing your own bags. Not quite sure what the points are for.

Tulle And More

I adore tulle.

I stumbled across Vintageous. Such gorgeous vintage dresses, tulle and all.

The lesser Of two...

I threw out a sheet yesterday, that had a few holes in it, today a towel. A thought crossed my mind each time, before discarding; that I should keep these and re-cycle and re-use them. No idea for what though. I have plenty of towels, cloth napkins, rags to clean the car. Trashing them would be wasteful and that is not the path I want to take.

On the other hand, keeping them on hand to to re-cycle and re-use "one day", is also not the path I want to take. "One day" can be as wasteful as trashing them, if there is no foreseen purpose; as "one day" may never come. More than not wanting to be wasteful; do I want piles of, "one day" clutter. So until I am so far down the path to simple living; I need to find a happy balance.

Expired ice cream bars...nah

My daughter and I, were driving home from Costco yesterday. She had the ice cream bars (delectable Haagan Dazs bars with almonds, I might add) on her lap, as it is hot outside; and it is the coldest upfront, where the air conditioning is blowing. She tells me, that the ice cream bars expire in May 2009 and that she didn't know they expired. To which I answered, "...never in our house. Out of all the food that might go bad, I would never worry that it would be the ice cream." That left us laughing all the way home, at the mere thought of...

P.S. what was lost.. is found

I never know how long to keep important papers. So I have years of bank statements and pay stubs all together; a big thick pile. I am constantly passing them, in the doorway to the kitchen. The cute burlap bag, that holds them is bursting at the seams.

Wednesday night, for some unbeknownst reason; I decide to go through the endless pile. As I am half way through the pile, hidden between bank statements and pay stubs; is this familiar Christmas card. I am thinking to myself, please let there be a address on this envelope. On the back of the envelope a partial address. In the letter, a email address.

Sadly the email address is not current. So what was lost, was never really lost. It was only put away for safe keeping. I just forgot where I put it.

I can envision a sprinkle of red, in my sea of vintage green

A lovely trip it was

What a gorgeous drive, up north I had. The trip back home was even more beautiful, as I took the 101, which takes you through Santa Barbara and down along the ocean. We stayed in Morro Bay, which is a small, sea side community. The time we spent together was deeply cherished, as I don't know when the next time will be. I didn't want to leave, but life can not stand still and it goes on.

Inhale life at every turn

So this weekend, I will be staying, in Central CA; surrounded by all those breathtaking vineyards. Hmmm, wine tasting.

Musings of this and that

When you work long days, vacations from work are such blessings, in so many ways. My job is not a physically strenuous one, but the hours, literally drain me; 10 hour days, 5 days a week.

Today is day 1, with 10 more glorious vacation days to follow. The thought of knowing I do not have to return to work, has filled me with much energy. Something I haven't felt in such a long time. This is a time to nourish my spirit, by simply enjoying the moments; that fill every one of these 11 days.

These will also be days to reconnect. When you have a mate, who is career military; and who is stationed over 4 hours away, those times are far between. This time, it has been 5 long months. I have gotten used to the month long separations, as it has been that way for the past 10 years or so; but 5 months is too long. It has never gotten easier, being separated for months at a time; only a way of life. One of the many bits of wisdom, that he has shared with me, is that no matter what life hands you; you do, whatever you need to do, and then you keep on going. I attempt to remember that, though there are times; when I miss him terribly, that the sheer thought fades away. Thursday or Friday, I will take a 4 hour drive to Paso Robles and spend 2 to 3 days there. What can I say about a man; whom after 20 years, still takes my breath away. A man who, when he embraces my face in his hands; life can get no better. A man who, when I lie next to him and feel his heart beat; time stands still. Did I say, that I adore this man.

My daughter got a job through the city, at a senior citizen center. Its a internship, though she did say, there was talk, about this being a paid job. The way her face lit up, as she talked about the possibility of her first paying job; filled my heart. Its been such a long time since I saw her face light up. My heart was so full.

So today I rested, ate chinese takeout for dinner and will watch a few movies; what a lovely first day.