The ties that bind

I was reading a blog today, and the journal entry was partially about her daughters cry for help. I sit here with tears in my eyes, as her journal entry flooded me with memories; as her daughters cry, was also my daughters....though my daughter never talked about suicide... she attempted it twice.

The first suicide attempt was four years ago; four months after she told us, what she had held inside for five years. Something so devastating, so life altering that it left her emotionally shattered. The first attempt, the day after a therapy appt. I remember her coming out early. She said everything was fine, she had nothing to talk about. The second time was five months later. Both times I took her to the E.R. This time they put her on a 72 hour hold, that turned into one week. There were no beds in the county we live in, so they sent her two hours away. I was at such a loss, as I did not see the signs.

A few months later, I could see a change in her behavior. Among other things she refused to go to school, which was totally, not her. My greatest fear was that if she attempted suicide again, she would succeed. I was not about to miss the signs again, so I took her to the E.R. I remember the drive in the car. She told me she didn't want to go back to the hospital. I told her I was going to do whatever it took to keep her safe. I also told her that she needed to work with me and that if she didn't give me or the doctor some insight, into what was going on and with her history; there might not be a choice. She did open up to the doctor and on the way home, she talked to me.

Its been three years since her second attempt. Since the stay in the hospital, she has been on medication for the depression. She has good days and not so good days. The not so good days, are becoming further between.