Abundance of gratitude

for Tuesday
To keep me grounded is to remind myself of what is truly important; gratitude for the simple things.

Today I am grateful for the blessings
that God embraced my spirit with
...inner peace
...inner contentment
...a calm and humble spirit
...forgiveness
...gratitude
...spirituality
...knowing Him

R.I.P. Izzie

1999 - 2012

"I am a thousand winds that blow,

 I am the diamond glints on snow.

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

 I am the gentle autumn's rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush,

 I am the swift uplifting rush

of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the stars that shine at night.

Please stand not at my grave and cry,

 I am not there I did not die."

You will always and forever be in our hearts.

I am comforted...

by a bit of normalcy in my life. Good days with just bad moments scattered here and there.  No bad days in between.  Life is good and I am so very blessed.

Note to self

A little over 3 years ago I made this journal enty. Today it is a gentle reminder.

To be truly blessed is to live life with no regrets. Who knew it would be cancer, that would bestow this upon me. How truly blessed I am. There is certainly, no amount of time, that is guaranteed for any of us, on this earth. For me the odds that tomorrow, may never come, has such clarity. I am at high risk for cancer to return.

Living with no regrets is saying no, and knowing that is okay. It is no longer pushing down my emotions; as I now freely speak my mind. It is living life, where I put myself first, and knowing that, that is okay. It is surrounding my being, with the beauty, that I may never see. It is about embracing my soul with a abundance of humor, every chance I get.

Living with no regrets is hugging my precious daughter, every day and ...having many, many Rory and Lorelai moments.

More gratitude, than words can ever express

This is one of those days, that nothing can take away from the.......I cant even think of words, that comes close.

The chemotherapy ended two years ago. Then there was the three month check-ups and the CT scans; which always showed something. Then there was the waiting time between appointments, for the next CT scan, MRI or PET scan. Then the slow motion, tic toc, tic toc waiting time, until the results. I would hold my breath and wait. The anxiety always there, in my shadow; wherever I went. A spot on my liver, a lump in my breast, something on my ovaries; a biopsy, a ultrasound, another scan, a different kind of scan.

More waiting... more anxiety... fear... tears... and on... and on.

Then there was today. I had my six month check-up with my Oncologist. He went over the last batch of tests done and the recent blood work and he said...

Everything is normal and you are healthy...such sweet, sweet words.

I left with tears in my eyes. I hugged Shannan when I got home; held her so close. Feeling for the first time. in such a very long time; that this hug will be one of many, many more.

My heart was full

As a parent, there are times that our relationships with our growing children are anything but close. My first born, is 28. He was a child that when he turned into a pre-teen and then a teen, there were issues, that made him very difficult to love at times. I love him unconditionally, but there were more times that not; that I was so frustrated at his behavior and even more frustrated at my lack of parenting skills, to deal with such behavior. When he was 17 he moved to a different state, we saw each other rarely and spoke on the phone, every once in a while. Even though our relationship remained strained, through the years; my heart never gave up on him.

Its been a while since I have spoken to him. Last week, I did. It was one of those conversations, that as a parent you always hope and wait for. He is getting his life in order, his perspective on what is important in life, has changed. My heart was full and I told him so, over and over again.

When he was little I used to tell him he was my shinning star and that on some days he would shine bright and other days even brighter. This was one of those days that he shined like no other.

Less is more

I gaze my eyes, to every corner. My house is finally a home. Every where I look, I see contentment.

A legacy for her...a blessing for me

When I decided to write this blog, the sole purpose was; to journal, my thoughts. I wanted something, to leave my daughter in case I ever got sick again. It has served that purpose; but even more, turned out to be one of life's biggest blessings, for me.

I discovered when I took a few college classes, that I had a gift for written expression. I never had anything to nurture that, until this. I have reaffirmed that all lost brain cells, are just that; only lost... not permanently gone.

It only takes some gentle creative stimulation to bring them back.

A life without regrets

To be truly blessed is to live life with no regrets. Who knew it would be cancer, that would bestow this upon me. How truly blessed I am. There is certainly, no amount of time, that is guaranteed for any of us, on this earth. For me the odds that tomorrow, may never come, has such clarity. I am at high risk for cancer to return.

Living with no regrets is saying no, and knowing that is okay. It is no longer pushing down my emotions; as I now freely speak my mind. It is living life, where I put myself first, and knowing that, that is okay. It is surrounding my being, with the beauty, that I may never see. It is about embracing my soul with a abundance of humor, every chance I get.

Living with no regrets is hugging my precious daughter, every day; and having many, many Rory and Lorelai moments.

Everything else is icing on the cake

To embrace aging, like the blessing it truly is; is to embrace living. Meaning that everyday, I get older, is one more blessed day; that I have woken up on this earth.

The forgetfulness, means that the negative baggage I held onto, is only a distant memory. The true blessing is not how well I see, but what I notice; such as the colors of the garden, when the flowers bloom.

I have the wisdom to know that this (as in any given situation) too shall pass. I also have the wisdom, to no longer sweat the small things, as life, is going to happen. It is the wisdom to know, not how to avoid it, but how to deal with it when it does happen.

So
"Dance, like no one is watching"
"Love, like you have never been hurt"
"Live, like tomorrow, may never come"