Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together. 
~Author Unknown

It is a quote that brings peace of mind

I sent him a email, with no other motive... other than to let him know, what and how I feel at this moment in time...not expecting nor wanting any reply.  This quote says it better than I  ever could...if I had written it myself.  I have always been honest and not hid from him how I feel.  It has nothing to do with feeling vulnerable at this moment, but everything with feeling empowered enough to be able to express this, with eyes wide open and a heart that is healing.

I started the email off with this and ended with the quote.  No matter where our paths take us...in totally different directions, as it is...at this time, always remember.  Just as life is what it is, so is...what is in ones heart.

There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
-Gretchen Kemp

"I don't miss him, I miss who I thought he was"

‎"You can close your eyes to things you don’t want to see, but you can’t close your heart to things you don’t want to feel."

What was never really lost, could have just been misplaced...under all the emotional stuff

Before the betrayal came out, I was a different person, as I have said...in more ways than one.  I had female friends at work...but it ended when I left work. There were no female friends or mentors of substance in my life..just acquaintances. I was very much alone.

Since I have become a gentler, unconditionally kinder human being....I am more receptive, to other woman.   I have found a plethora of support from women from church, from bible study, from women from a online site.  These woman are genuinely caring and non judgemental...whether or not my life at the moment is not...part of their belief system.   I am making some genuine friendships and I know that this is part of a bigger plan.  I believe that God is guiding me. Faith is starting to bloom inside of me. It is all about baby faith steps...if that makes any sense.

Life is good

I have just eaten, 1/2 of a organic fair trade, dark chocolate bar and it has the same effect, as though I have just taken a Xanax...which I haven't.

Good days, bad days and dark days

Today was a bad day...to where I just wanted to sleep all day. Though I was up between naps.  When I used to get depressed before all this happened, sleeping was my way of dealing with the depression.  I took two Xanax this afternoon, as I knew it would put me to sleep as it did yesterday or was it the day before.  I seem to lose track of the time lately.  I know that I do not want to become dependent on the Xanax as they are addicting and that is just one more thing I will have to deal with.

I have not gone out in two days nor have I done anything around the house.  It is not dirty but just plain cluttered. Things seem to be put, where ever they get put down and then not moved to where they belong.  The dining room table is a catch all for everything and anything...and the pile, just keeps growing.  The last time it got like this, is when I got cancer. Then I just dropped the mail, where ever I was at the time it came in...and we ended up with piles of unopened bills and junk mail all over the house.  This times its worse as it is just piles of this and that and it is not just on the dining room table...it has spread to each room.  There are packages that need to be returned, but I have yet to get them ready, to be shipped back.   Its utterly overwhelming just like the last time and just like last time, the piles are of such irrelevance...compared to what is clouding my mind. 

My daughter has been gone for 2 days and it has taken every ounce of emotional energy I have to clean the litter and feed the animals...but that is the only thing that has got done.

There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me.
-Gretchen Kemp

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it.
-Anonymous

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle.  I just wish that He didn't trust me so much."

~ Mother Teresa